Everywhere i go, everyone is wishing everyone Happy Holidays I am saying the words but my holiday spirit is not there and I know it is because you are missing.

It has been so hard going shopping for presents and not buying the Ho Ho Ho gifts for you or picking out  the big gift every year, hoping that we made the right choice and got it right.  So when you open the presents up your face lights up.  At whatever age you were you always went back to being just a little girl.   Sitting with Nick on the fireplace playing prod the present. You watching Brad give out the presents, but before opening your present making sure that there are still more for you to come.

I wrapped the gifts yesterday with a heavy heavy heart not with my normal excitement of counting down the days till all of us sit around and unwrap the presents. Watching all your faces with hopefully happiness that the right choices were made.

Kate I miss you so much right now that it hurts. I know your spirit will be with all the family over the holidays, I am sure you will be spending time watching at mum’s house and then ours.

Sometime on Christmas day I will take my moment with you, I don’t know exactly when but there will be that moment. When we are all sitting around the dining table it will be so hard, but i will try not to cry instead i am going to smile and try and cherish all the memories that i have of so many Christmas’s with you.

Happy Holidays Kate, I love and miss you every day.

Sarah

Im sitting here wishing that it was about 20 years ago. If it was we would be at viewpoint school, and we would be getting ready to go to forest lawn to sing our little hearts out for all of the school and families. Every time I think of it I just see this picture of us in our “winter” uniform with huge smiles on our faces (probably because we were pleased it was done) holding our ferns that we always recieved at the end. And then a couple weeks later my family and yours would be celebrating chrismas together. Some of the best days of my life, I miss them and wish we could turn back time!

Nat x x x

I had yet to meet your brother. It was a little intimidating, I must admit. I had heard all the stories from not only you, but your mother and father. I had, by this point, seemingly been impressive enough for your parents and sister; yet, I felt that the approval of big brother would be the toughest to accomplish.

It was Thanksgiving day. I wanted to make a good impression. I wanted to bring something to put on the table. I wanted to make you proud, I guess. You told me not to bring anything. That wouldn’t fly with me, because I just HAD to bring at LEAST something. Why you wanted me to bring candied yams and marshmallows is still beyond me? So, I decided to bring a part of my family’s tradition to your family’s table. Being Italian and all, pasta was naturally my choice. But not just any pasta. Oh, no. This had to be special and impressive. No, this occasion called for homemade lasagna.

I spent the night before, prepping and putting everything together. I found just the right sausage and put in just the right amount of seasoning. I had everything ready as we left for your mother’s house. I had even cooked it just half way so that I could finish cooking it after we arrived. We walked through the front door and exchanged handshakes and hugs with your family. I threw the lasagna in the oven and we started putting everything on the table.

You sat to my left, Brad across from us. I’ll never forget the sarcastic pronunciation of “lasagna” and the semi-disgruntled face he had. I guess it’s understandable; not many people have lasagna with their turkey. Looking back, I must admit, it may have been a little over the top… but again, I wanted so desperately to impress your brother. Thinking I had struck out with the lasagna, we went on with our meal. We hung around a bit longer, and I don’t recall anything much more eventful going on that evening.

A few days later, to my chagrin, you received a call from your brother. The message you relayed was that Brad was thankful that I had brought the lasagna, because he had been eating it for 2 or 3 days straight. Success!

I don’t know where this story is going, but I needed to write something. This Thanksgiving, I’m working. And as I sit at this desk and write to you, I think back to that Thanksgiving. I speak to you every night and have you in my thoughts always. I hope that you will visit me in a dream again sometime soon. I never really remember my dreams, but I never forget the ones with you in them. Thank you for everything we shared. Thank you for watching over me. Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for helping me grow up. Thank you for showing me another side of this world. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for the love we had. Thank you for the most beautiful picture I have ever seen. Thank you for that last kiss we shared. I’ll never forget you, Girlfriend.

Love,

Boyfriend

Dear Kat,

I suppose I have been putting off writing this for awhile.  I can’t stop thinking about you… already I think about you every day, but lately, the word “twilight” has been popping up in the most random places— in books, magazines, newspapers, that new movie preview… the other day I flipped open an art book and the first word I saw was “twilight” … it’s very weird.  What’s up?  What are you trying to tell me?  I had a dream about you a few weeks ago… it was very realistic and very hopeful—you were sick, but it was “going to be okay.”  I don’t remember why I thought that or knew that.  I woke up and for a minute couldn’t shake the dream… I thought it was real for a second, and everything WAS going to be okay.  And then I remembered… that’s probably the worst part.  Going along in the day and then remembering.  It still takes my breath away.  I miss you.  I regret all the times I could have picked up the phone and didn’t, because now I can’t, when I want to the most.  I hope to see you in another dream soon, my friend.

Love,

Nadia

Dear Katie,

Sorry it has taken me so long to write to you… I didn’t know what to say.  I feel like I have the words now because I saw you in my dream a few days ago.  It was so vivid.

I got the news that you left this world when I got back from my honeymoon.  I learned that you had passed away the day before I got married.  Although we haven’t talked in so long, I still felt close to you, and I still hurt when I think you are no longer here.

Katie, I have so many great memories of you.  Remember hanging out at Larissa’s house and playing dress-up with all of her costume clothing?  Remember raiding the candy drawer at your house?  Of course you had to have a coca cola with whatever candy we were pigging out on.  Hey, remember the canoe joke in English class??  Oh man, I still crack up when I think about the way you told it.

The other day I was going through my memory boxes trying to get everything organized and I came across the scrapbook you made me right after high school graduation.  That was so thoughtful, and means even more now.  That is something I will hang on to forever.

Katie, I miss you.  Please feel free to visit me in my dreams whenever you feel like it.  I felt like I was really visiting with you.  I miss that feeling.

Bye Katie.

Love,

Apryl

I’ve been think about you a lot this month.  It’s a year ago this month the last time i saw mario before he died.  I think of the two of you and i hope you’ve met somewhere out there in the great beyond.  I remember telling you about him last year after the carjacking.  I’ve talked to both of you a lot this month.  i find comfort in just saying your name out loud.  i know you’re both watching out for me, and i can feel u with me and see your face when i close my eyes.  love u, take care of mario for me

cam

I keep dreaming about you, nearly every night. I’ve had a couple of dreams where we are hanging out doing all different kind of things. But mainly I keep dreaming that I have to tell people about whats happened. Its always people we went to school with, two of the same people keep appearing. I dont really know what it means or anything, but its all the time. My aunt said she thinks it has something to do with me not accepting your death or coming to terms with it. Maybe, but it would be great if some how, sometime soon, you could tell me in my next dream about you?

Natalie

x x x

Kate…

It is gloomy out, it’s one of those days you would absolutely love. Where the clouds form pretty shapes in the sky and you get to interpret what they could possibly be.  I am at a coffee shop in San Francisco, writing cover-letters and resumes for all sorts of jobs… I know this is something you don’t miss doing. I inherited your MAC and came across the 100’s of cover letters you had for jobs all over America and continue to get email from job boards about available positions for you. But anyway, my ipod is playing as I write these long winded notes of why I’m such a great catch for company X and then without warning… Enya booms in to my ears singing “May it Be” and instantly I start crying in the middle of the coffee shop, wiith a croissant in my hand. I miss you so much… I’ve been so stressed with this job stuff for the past couple months, and I haven’t spent the necessary time contemplating what has happened and where you have gone.  So many things remind me of you… Halloween is coming this month…which I know you love then Thanksgiving and Christmas… which are sure to be the hardest holidays for everyone. I don’t know what to expect and can’t imagine not having my inquisitive sister to shake and poke at presents with.  Remember when we decided we would get eachother the worst Xmas presents… and I got you a leather chain wallet with a skull on it and you got me a green voodoo doll?  We really got a kick out of that… and when I filled a huge box with bricks and you thought it was going to be the biggest gift ever and it turned out to be nothing but a 25cent plastic ring from one of those machines outside Walgreens or Vons. That was mean, but it was funny.

Ok well Enya is finished and I feel good to write to you… I have a favor to ask, I’m not sure if this is possible, but if you’re not to busy… could you perhaps find a way to get me a job.  Sprinkle some magical fairy dust or move my resume to the top of some piles… whatever it takes kate… just a litle help would be awesome. Ok… I love you very much. Ciao for now.

Nick

This past weekend in Boulder, a group of us got together to remember Kat.  On a beautiful Saturday at sunset we drove up into Flagstaff and spoke of the girl we loved so very much.  We had pictures, we had poems, we laughed and we cried.  We ate blackjack pizza and drank cokes.  We were together for some of us for the first time in years.  For me it had been at least 3 years since I had seen my boulder group.  Kat was the best of all of us.  She always remembered birthdays and she was the one who kept everyone informed at to what the others were doing.  We made a promise to ourselves last weekend that we wouldn’t let our friendships fall by the wayside just because we live all over the country, it’s the least we could do for her. So once a year in Boulder we will always come back, and to anyone else who wants to come the more the better. There will be pictures up soon, and Maggie, Andy and Sarah we will be sending things to ya’ll as well.

 Kat had this beautiful light inside her that touched my life so much.  When I was in Boulder last weekend I could close my eyes and hear her voice say “Cammy”! with all this excitement in her voice that she always had when we spoke.  I’m glad that I also have memories of Kat here with me in New Orleans from when she visisted. I’ll always have those memories and see the places we went here every day.  I remember when Hurricane Katrina was named and she was all excited that something was named after her, and then when it was as bad as it was she told me that the next time she came to visit I couldn’t tell anyone that her name was Katrina and that I could only call her kat.  I miss her sweetness and her strength and her love.  Maggie and Andy, you had an amazing daughter, thank you.  All my love to sarah and sabrina as well.  I hope to make it to California one day soon

Cameron

Twi,

             I first want to start off by saying I am sorry it has taken me so long to write on this but it has been so hard for me to actually sit down and write this out. Where do I even begin with you Twi? From the minute I entered Camp Sharwood you took me under your wing like a little sister. You showed me the ropes and made sure that I was included in everything. Before long we became really close and would hang out non-stop. The thing that I loved about you is that when I was not even 21 yet you would stay behind with me and do things that I could do so that I didn’t feel left out. You helped me through all my boy drama, which I know you loved to get those phone calls and stories =) we were both there for a lot of them. Every time you would go back to Colorado I would get so sad and even though we had not seen each other in months it was like no time had passed when we did get together.

            I can never forget going out to Colorado to visit you and what an experience that weekend was. From laying around in the apt., to going to a gay bar, to ending up in the emergency room, to me being sick but overall having the best weekend ever! I remember how embarrassed you were and sorry and still to this day I will remember it and it will be a great memory I will have. I remember when you moved back to Colorado a couple of days before my 21^st and that is when it really hit me how much you meant to me. I was so sad and angry but being selfish at the same time. I have always known that you were so much happier in Colorado but of course I wanted you to myself!

            I look at you leaving early from this world and it gives me mixed feelings every day. I will say that I feel so lucky to have been able to visit you in San Diego, then at UCLA and finally at your home. That last memory of you in your home looking so peaceful and so beautiful and talking about the future will remain in my memories forever. I always knew you would be one of my bridesmaids in the future and now I know for sure you will be there in the future through everything that comes my way. I love to fall asleep at night because I know that you will come and visit me in my dreams like the night you did when you passed away. I am such a lucky girl to have met you and I love you with all my heart.